Living to work???

Since I am too sad and angry (more sad, disheartened, pained than angry), I cannot write an email to you. I am blogging instead... You know I am talking to you, my dear Karma...

It's 8:45PM and I doubt if you've still eaten anything. It's almost been 24 hours now and you haven't eaten a thing. You've slept for around 6 1/2 hours, and travelled for about 1 1/2 hrs. Other than that, all you have done is WORK, WORK, WORK... I can't tell u how upset i m with u - i even felt like calling up ur company and asking for the "grievance" reporting number (if there's any such thing in that heartless place) and telling them about u. I know what u'll say - yes, I too worked myself like a donkey before. but my point is, everyone knew i was working that hard, and everyone respected that. what's the point U r working so hard? the ungrateful teammates of urs don't even acknowledge the slogging u do for them. they don't care if u have to travel and walk alone on the streets at night. they don't care that u haven't been given a laptop, and that u have to use ur personal systems even to slog it out on the weekends... i know i am not being very sweet and you may feel free to delete this post, if u find the time, that is.

All that very justified anger put aside, why should someone work so hard? We work so that we can make a living - for ourselves and for the ones who depend on us. We don't work so that our bank accounts swell, but we die at our desks, without being able to even pass on the riches we collect for our dear ones. What do u say? I know u have never ever been materialistic and always been selfless. Then u should get my point even better.

I am too angry to write well. I know that u know - that my creative juices flow better when I am angry, but i am just too saddened and hurt by this. I really am. I hope this will atleast make u pause for a minute to think before u agree to give the next deliverable... if u can find time to read this, that is...

and here I break my promise to make this post "funnier" - if u can't figure what I am saying, refer to the last blog we wrote together...
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Sorry I saw this only today i.e. April 17
And I won't delete this, i'll keep this post and would probably like to see it after many years when I'm not working so hard!
I must say .....between all the hectic hetic and tired -really tired days...just seeing this post from you has been a very good feeling :). Thanks!
I feel very lucky to have such a caring friend like you and I'm thankful for that. A zillion thanks to you Chuchi!!!
Yes...i'm more serious for a change now...with a hope of "better" change.
but remember Andy's theory "A moneky needs to hold another branch before it leaves one"
I will work on the gyan that you have given here :)..OK!!
- Karma

Real time random thoughts...

As we sit together to write something interesting, we realized that we just couldn't think of anything worth writing...
so then we thought we'll write about some of our favourite things ....we couldn't come up with anything..lol.
We may sound like pathetic bloggers, not serious about writing good stuff...but since we decided to write, we will write something.
So finally we decide to write on anything that comes to our mind..absolutely real time..right now (it could be very silly too)
Sham: I feel like eating the mixture and buiscuits thats kept on the table.
Karma: I want a bee to sting me ....b'coz these days such things don't happen at all, atleast to me..so the song from Sound of Music which goes like.... "when the bees sting, when the dogs bite, when i'm feeling sad...I simply remember my favourite things" won't be appropriate to sing
Sham: Can't think, started eating....
Karma: I wish we didn't have to eat everyday and each day for 3-4 times...wish we could eat one day and don't bother for a week like in the case of some animals.
Sham: It's tasteless but still eating. People who read this might think I just keep eating but thats not the case.
Karma: I wish I was a flower...short and beautiful life!
Sham: - that reminds me of a poem in English in school... I think it was called "The Oak Tree" - comparison between the life of a long living tree, and a flower with a short - life and it ends with a question asking readers to decide which is better....
Karma: Intersting, but I never knew that and i gave the answer before your story.
Karma: I think a lot about 'why did i put on weight' and I'm thinking of all the people I've seen in my office...everyone's round and shapless. If I spot anybody who's thin and slightly trendy...I'm sure he/she's a new comer...with time they also look like one of us...round!
Sham: I wish it was my laptop.... that apart I think of how we didn't have the resources earlier and didn't have these worries either. Now we have the money and we have a lot of weight to deal with. This reminds me of the kannada saying which mom keeps using " kadale iddaaga hallu illa, hallu iddaaga kadale illa"... find out the meaning urself...
Karma: First I need to be able to say it. I'l find out from aunty tomorrow. It sounds like the meaning of the above phrase is " When something is there, something else (which i'm not able to figure out) is not there, and when that something else is there, the first thing is not there.
Sham: U got it!!! The "something" is chana, and the "something else" is teeth... Now I feel i can blog about the sayings which mom keeps using everyday. they're all so meaningful...
Karma: So when we didn't have money, we have good body..now we have some money but fat body..kiddin!
Sham: Lets see if u get this one - Konkani- "Pot bharlel brahmanaka dhayyantu phattoru melle" (Clue - I've told u this before)
Karma: A brahmin whose tummy is full, can find a stone in curds... (Corrections made by Sham since I own the keyboard now!!!)
Karma: Nepali saying..Goo lai kottai bhane ganaucha mattrai...crack this line
Sham: "If u fiddle with goo (everyone knows this), it's only going to stink"
Karma: Many people don't know what 'goo' is..they might mistake it for some good sweet dish :P
Sham: That's their problem... Now try this one... very simple Kannada saying - "Aanege chaddi holisidante"..
Karma: My chaddi is full of principles and is holy....hahahha
Sham: Principles?? Holy?????? Hahahahaahaa.... I have tears in my eyes - khushi ke aansu... OK, u lost this. It literally means "As if u stich a chaddi to fit an elephant"
Karma: hahahahahhahaha...wow what an intelligent interpretation i made
Sham: Kannada - "Devaru kottaru poojari bida"
Karma: when god gives, pujari says no....is it?
Sham: Wow!!! It actually means, even if God is willing to give, the poojari isn't
Karma: Enough of this. Learnt enough kannada.. Next time, i'll come up with very difficult phrases in Yolmo.

- Nice timepass... We had a good laugh over the "principled" and "holy" chaddi... Considering karma had a lot of work pressure, and her eyes were red, this was a good session - reminds us of the good old days when we could laugh like silly girls... :-D
We should do this more often...
Next blog will be funnier...

No updates...

I thought this blog was created for collaborative thoughts from the two of us..
Well I do understand the time constraints and the "mind not working" situations during other times...and I don't wanna give reasons to prove that I'm busier than you are kinds...
But it looks like I've got 70% stake in this place now..and soon it might become 100%.
Yes, my dearest friend Shyamala...I'm talking to you. Lets not get into the disinterested mode again and leave things half way....remember we started this to get out of that 'disinterested in things' mode...so lets write stuff...even if they are silly, it's fine, this is our place we can speak out!! and besides you write well :)
Incase you wanna comment or defend yourself or fight back ;) ..you can start here....
Karma.

I am on my own..

I am my own challenge
I am my own motivator
I am my own critic
I am my own friend
I am my own mind
I am my own thought
I am my own worry
I am my own solution
I am my own strength
I am my own weakness
Everyone will walk in and out of life, but ultimately I am on my own.
Family is always connected ...near or far, Friends will keep in touch and lend some help, and acquaintances will say hello once in a while. But when I am out there sometimes, when things get difficult, when I encounter difficult people, when the job gets bigger and heavier than my life, When a hundred thoughts hit in my mind and i feel the pressure and fatigue inside....I might still look calm from outside, one among those who look at ease. That's what I guess everyone does when they know they are own their own.
People will come by to comfort me, advise me, help me, encourage me, motivate me...but ultimately I am on my own and only I can make the greatest difference to my life. And the more I realize that , the more I will depend on myself for my growth, success, peace and happiness. Unfortunately, there are other factors controlling our life
[I'm not my own boss at work :( ], but the intensity of external factors affecting my life could be reduced when I realize.. I am on my own...I need to make a difference to my life!
- Karma.

Can I go elsewhere..where life is simple and lively??

Can I go else where?? This is what my heart and mind says today and it does it again and again.
While I'm sitting in office, returing after a month ..all kind of thoughts flow in my mind. I thank god for the change I had in last month. If I look back I'd led the same life every day for the past two years otherwise...life consisted of office, sitting on the chair, working on computer , traffic jam and cribbing.
Today when I sit on my chair, in my cubicle and open my computer to work after an eventful month...it just makes me sad. I constantly feel the melancholy deep inside me. I know I have to work and am too lucky to have my job, but my heart seems to have different wishes. Well..if wishes were horses, beggars would ride and I would certainly not be here sitting on the chair and hooked to the computer whole day long.
After returning and being out of the rat race..the IT cum Tech cum Corporate rat race rather, I wish to live a simple life and wish to have other ways of making a living, where I can still connect to peace, my family, the mountains and to my life very often.
I do keep reminding myself that the main reason I'm here is to work and make a career, but sometimes it's really hard to motivate myself. So I'm going to think of all the 'good' reasons to motivate myself and do better in the rat race for now.
Someday...I hope I can be a little close to my wishes of the place I want to be, the work i'd like to do, the simple life i'd like and the people I wish to be with!!
- Karma.

Colors of Life...

Really felt like writing something today. Some tugging feeling that I owe this... Not sure to whom, may be I owe this one to myself from a long time...

As I lay on my bed this morning - refusing to get up because I had the excuse of having worked late last night - my thoughts drifted to what I've seen/felt/experienced in the past 26 years. In the very long 26 years, I've seen a lot of ups and downs. More downs than ups may be? Most of these ups and downs came flashing in my mind... How happy and ecstatic I was sometimes, and how down and out completely on some other...

Suddenly a very different thought occured to me - If I were to paint my life according to my feelings, how would it look? There would be some very stark blacks and purples. Some - may be very few - bright and pure whites. Some very pleasant greens. Some very free sky-blues. Some very sad blues. Some very bright and cheerful oranges. Some very pretty pinks. Some very embarassing reds. Some very calm and serene very-very-light blues... That would from an interesting spectrum!! We always long and crave for better things - everytime we go through the "difficult" times, we think of some of the beautiful past memories and wish those times would come back. But if I got just one "happy" or "easy" life, would there be so many colors in my life? Definitely not. And it's beautiful to have so many colors! I know that the whites are pure because I've felt the stark blacks. I know the greens soothe because I've experienced the piercing purples....

It makes me thank God that I've so many colors in my life, and for this beautiful realization. May be this will make me crib lesser (now, that's a hopeful dawn-orange) or may be I'll come back to square one (a disappointing grey?). Whatever the case, I now know I have a very beautiful and interesting way of looking at life - the colors and the spectrum of life!! This will sure make a great game - will surely leave a smile on my face when I am lonely and free to think those random thoughts!! :-)

- Sham

To my Little one...i dedicate this song!

"A Little Sweet, A Little Sour

A Little Close Not Too Far

All I Need, All I Need

All I Need Is To Be Free"
- From the movie Taare Zameen par'

With lot of love and affection this song goes to my little cutie naughty adorable nakale dhallo nephew..not just be'coz it's a song for the lil ones..but also because it's one of his favourite songs:)and mine too!!

"Let Me In Without A Shout

Le Me In I Have A Doubt

Let Me In Without A Shout

Let Me In I Have A Doubt

There Are More,Many More

Many Many Many More Like Me"

Guess this is how he feels....

It's too much to ask a tiny 1.6 yrs baby to be able to read this ...but I wish he could see this and understand and feel happy and say "Aneee..thanku..pappi..moooaah and give me the baby hug" :)
Karma.